What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies | tips for family and friends

While Tiny Babies Can be Cute

Baby Cares is dedicated to supporting parents of premature babies, and a significant part of that support involves understanding What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies the emotional and psychological challenges they face. Language plays a crucial role in how we interact with these parents, and it’s essential to be mindful of what we say. Francesca Tucker, a part-time working mom from the New Forest, shares her insights and experiences as a parent of a premature baby, Harry, who was born at 28 weeks while on holiday in France. Harry is now a happy, healthy 18-month-old!

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The Premature Club Navigating Conversations

As a member of “The Premature Club,” Francesca understands the difficulties family, friends, and loved ones face when trying to find the right words. The joy of a newborn is often overshadowed by the fear and uncertainty of the baby’s health. While there are no magic words to make everything better, being present, letting parents cry, shout, or sit in silence can be incredibly supportive. However, there are certain phrases that are best avoided. Here are the top 10 things not to say to a preemie parent, compiled by Francesca and another preemie mom during their neonatal journey:

Preterm birth is one of those things that is surprisingly common (the March of Dimes estimates that 9.6 percent of babies born in the United States are born before 37 weeks, which is the cut-off used to define prematurity), and yet impossible for most people to truly, vividly understand unless they’ve gone through it themselves. And that means the parents of preterm babies — who are already dealing with so much stress — often end up feeling very alone.

“Parents who have not had direct experience What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies with a traumatic birth or a newborn’s hospital stay can struggle with knowing how to act, what to say and what to do,” said Amy Carr, public awareness director for the non-profit A Hand To Hold, which provides support to parents of premature babies. With that in mind, here are five things not to tell parents of premature babies — and what to say instead.

Top 10 Things Not to Say to a Preemie Parent

1. You’re lucky! You got to meet your baby early!
   • Why it’s not helpful: No parent feels lucky when their baby is born prematurely. The baby had no What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies concept of an early arrival and was likely content in the womb.
2. Your baby was just keen to meet you.
   • Why it’s not helpful: Babies are What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies usually happy in the womb, receiving nourishment and warmth. They weren’t eager to leave early.
3. Oooh, having such a small baby must have made labor easy!
   • Why it’s not helpful: Premature births What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies often involve emergency situations, which can be traumatic and painful.
4. Lucky you! You’ve got less baby weight to lose!
   • Why it’s not helpful: Weight loss is the last thing on a preemie parent’s mind. The stress of the situation often leads What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies to weight loss naturally.
5. Well, at least with the baby in hospital, you get a good night’s sleep!
   • Why it’s not helpful: Preemie parents What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies are often up all night expressing milk, preparing supplies, and worrying about their baby.
6. With those nurses around, you’re getting far more support than most Mums.
   • Why it’s not helpful: Nurses are a fantastic support, but parents are still the primary caregivers and want to be involved What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies in their baby’s care.
7. But tiny babies are so cute!
   • Why it’s not helpful: While tiny babies can be cute, parents are more concerned about their baby’s health and well-being.
8. When will the baby be coming home?
   • Why it’s not helpful: Parents What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies often don’t know when their baby will come home and may not want to discuss it due to the uncertainty and fear of disappointment.
9. How are you doing?
   • Why it’s not helpful: This question can be overwhelming. Offering specific help, like bringing a meal, is more What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies supportive.
10. Will he/she be okay?
    • Why it’s not helpful: This question can be too personal and upsetting. Focus on providing love and support What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies instead.

Additional Insights from Amy, Mother of Eliza

Amy, whose daughter Eliza was born at 27 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia, shares her experiences and the comments she found challenging:

1. She was just so desperate to meet you.
   • Why it’s not helpful: Eliza What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies was likely happier in the womb, receiving constant nourishment and warmth.
2. Think of all that wonderful extra time you got to spend with her.
   • Why it’s not helpful: The time spent in the hospital was exhausting and terrifying, not wonderful.
3. She’s fine now, so don’t think about what you went through or what could have happened.
   • Why it’s not helpful: Parents often grieve the loss of a full-term pregnancy and the experiences that come with it.
4. Do you want another?
   • Why it’s not helpful: The fear of recurrence can make future pregnancies stressful and frightening.
5. She’s just like a normal baby.
   • Why it’s not helpful: Preemies are extraordinary and have gone through more than most babies.

What to Say Instead

• Congratulations!
• Can I help with ____?
• How are you? / How is your baby doing?
• Your baby is beautiful.
• I’m thinking of you.
• I’m here if you want to talk.

Conclusion

Supporting a neonatal family requires empathy and understanding. Avoiding cliches and focusing on being present and supportive can make a significant difference. If you’re a parent of a preemie, remember that What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies you are doing a great job and making the best of your situation. To those supporting neonatal families, your presence and love are What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies invaluable.

Read More: What Not to Say to Parents of Preemies

FAQs:

1. What should I say to a parent of a premature baby?

Instead of asking intrusive or insensitive questions, focus on offering support and empathy. Some helpful phrases include.

2. Why is it important to be mindful of what I say to preemie parents?

Preemie parents are often dealing with a mix of emotions, including fear, anxiety, and grief. Inappropriate comments can be hurtful and add to their stress. Being mindful of your language shows respect and understanding for their unique situation.

3. How can I support a family with a baby in the NICU?

Offer specific help, such as bringing meals, watching older siblings, or helping with household chores. Avoid asking intrusive questions and focus on being present and supportive.

4. What are some common misconceptions about premature babies?

Common misconceptions include:

• Premature births are easy or less painful.
• Preemies are just “keen to meet their parents.”
• Parents get more sleep with the baby in the hospital.
• Preemies are “lucky” to be born early.
• Preemies are just like normal babies.

5. How can I educate myself about prematurity and the NICU experience?

Read articles and blogs from reputable sources, join support groups for preemie parents, and listen to the experiences of those who have been through it. Websites like Baby Cares offer valuable insights and advice from experienced preemie parents.